Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
