i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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