I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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