shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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