I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
