Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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