I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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