i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
