Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
