I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
