I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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