We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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