Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
