He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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