Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
