Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
