That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
