I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
