True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He shit in the fireplace
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
