God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
