The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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