we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
