Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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