DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
