A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
