Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
two words...techno handjob
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize