Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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