i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
how does that bad decision feel?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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