I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
