so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
