I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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