we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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