apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
