Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
literally had 100 drinks last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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