you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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