you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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