I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i need to put some appletini on your dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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