I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
