i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
false alarm, still single
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
