My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
