Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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