I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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