I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
