I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize