My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
