i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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