you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
