Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
