I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
