Don't make out with my wife yet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
