I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
