So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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