Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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