my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
