Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
