trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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