You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
