Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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