we have officially lost it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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