i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
