i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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