i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
