Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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