saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
