Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
