Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
