...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
