He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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