Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
