I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
