To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she peed on how many people?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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