Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
