either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
