Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
