I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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