we made out on top of his cat.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
