I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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