he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
